hi it feels so good to be home! though alil distracted i am due to the flickering incandescent flame at my bedside. its a large vanilla candle without the glass holder (more value for money, i'm on a tight budget now) and there's a high chance that the house would be burned down in approximately a night's time. and i was silly enough to think that the wax wouldn't flow out (it did), so there's wax on the floor as well as the table and i'm too lazy to clean up. oh the glorious sweet scent of vanilla has such a calming feel-good effect! i love it.

so anyway, i have made yet again another resolution (the things i do to pass time). but for just a month so its pretty reasonable (i guess) it includes: execising thrice a week, swim once, no suppers, minimal fast-food, no taxis more than 3 times a week, no drinking/ clubbing etc etc. yup, feasible. i can do it!

okay.

maybe not.

have i ever told you how much i love making plans, feel the rush of adrenaline, of sweet sweet anticipation. it really helps to pass time, to keep your mind away from thoughts that asphyxiate your whole being. ie. study plans. i hate having to even talk about it because i'm still stuck in that same old dilemma, still figuring out. i daydream too much, everyone tells me that. but why can't i have that infinitesimal lueur d'espoir which lingers within, that maybe one day all my fantasies will amalgamate into reality. why can't i? oh you don't want to hear of what i'm conjuring of in my mind now. the only person who know thinks i'm almost halfway insane and one critic is enough. but all i dream of is a life like that, not mundane nor ordinary everydays. maybe when i'm 21 or something.

i want so much to go on a holiday. i yearn to just lie in the sand, bask in the lovely sunshine and admire the iridescent sea. that would be bliss. my haven, absolutely.

my lovely honey pies:

Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.
- Mark Twine

hello! i'm listening to backstreet boys now, its so old school and nice. i'm feeling quite happy now talking to old friends, planning to meet, seeing the guys, planning with j to rally The Office People to party, to club. i love planning, i like the adrenaline rush, the lingering pictures in my mind. though i do admit most of my plans have a habit of being thwart away from what it should be. but still! scintillating and charming little plans here and there gives me things to look forward to. i love the delightful little compliments and friendliness from everyone. i'm trying to be healthy and fit (my year end resolution) - i just ate kfc after gym. it was 15 minutes of paradise and then i felt so bad but i tried to assuage my guilt by reassuring myself that the last time i ate fast food was months ago. so its not so bad afterall. once in a blue blue moon - as well as to save money (not very successful yet!) i wanna go visit sophia next year hopefully! but well, there's still two months and alot of days so fret not! plus the fact that i'll be working mostly everyday from nov- dec because its jewel christmas winter season, so tada i wouldn't be eating much and going out.

i wish i could bring my little children to see the snow show since its FOC but it starts only at night. they would be so fascinated i'm sure, i can just envisage it. oh my gosh, i'm imagining all of them taking the shuttle buses up haha so cute. then when they alight, they'll be awestruck by the beauty of the place, so amazed by the snow show and it would leave such indelible memory; stand convicted that its their best christmas ever! oh my, i must figure something out.

oh my gosh. I WANT TO GO PHUKET after seeing ivan's facebook. shit shit shit i wanna go! its so nice. i NEED to go phuket. i'll rally people. i'll hypotise people. i'll brainwash them. my new found resolution. and my resolution list goes on and on.

i don't understand why they always say follow your heart but always your decision gets frowned upon.

i miss you like the desert miss the rain.